Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
