Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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