I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
