check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
