I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
