i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
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