not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
