i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
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