STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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