you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
