i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
