I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
