Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
