grandma shit on top of the toilet
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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