I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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