Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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