Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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