you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize