And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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