i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
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I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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