guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
