On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
