i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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