On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
