Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
