i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
