He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
