my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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