Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
