Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
