I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
