So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
