Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
