Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
