Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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