Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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