My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
