I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Randomize
