Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
