yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
