a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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