did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
whose ass print is on the piano?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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