Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
