Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
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