I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
