i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
