my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
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so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
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It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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