I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
