I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
