I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
my poor anus
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
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