HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
