why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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