i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
