Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
