you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
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