this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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