So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
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She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
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The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
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