you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
