do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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