just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
