I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
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my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
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You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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