I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
