I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
