You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
