we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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