he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
