There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
